Think about it. How many times have you agreed to do something for a friend that you actually did not want to? Fear often stops us from setting boundaries and saying no. It is important to set limits on friendships.

Think about these scenarios: You friend has already paid R50 of the R150 loan you gave him or her. He or she then asks for another R50 and you refuse. Or your friend has been dumped, and she’s not taking it very well. She asks that you stay with her for the week, but you have made plans with your partner.  Since you had already made plans, you decide to say ‘no’. He or she gets upset and says you don’t care about the friendship. Complicated isn’t it?

Limit setting on friendships is seen as difficult because your friends can mistake it for rejection. However, limits mean that you care enough not to get in the mix of his or her problems. By saying ‘no’ in these scenarios, you are forcing your friend to detach from dependence on you because you care. Practicing some tough love will in the end help and save your friend and your friendship.

Here are a few pointers to setting limits when it comes to friendships:

Set realistic limits. You don’t want to alienate your friend by refusing to anything she asks.

Decide where to set the limits: Take your time, emotions and means into consideration by figuring out why you are helping your friend.

Communicate the limits clearly. Tell your friend that will only do so much for them. When his or her problems start to affect you negatively, then he or she will have to understand why you are refusing to help.

Stick to your limits. These are set by you. Follow them and watch the process get easier with time.