Away from home with new people, a strange bed and sharing a bathroom. These are but a few of the things you’ll think about as you arrive on the steps of your new home for the first time.

Dealing with difficult neighbours:

Its 11pm and your essay is due early tomorrow morning. Then… the dreaded boom boom sound starts penetrating through your walls and into your head. You hope that it’s just one song and that they realise they are too loud. Two hours later you are sharpening your axe collection while singing nursery rhymes to yourself.

If you fear confrontation, then the best solution would be to simply talk to your warden privately, and explain your situation. There is no reason why you should remain silent, especially when your studies are being affected.

Psychiatrist and personal effectiveness coach Dr Mark Lauderdale provides some strategic advice.

Firstly, target the specific problem that you wish to solve. Next, be clear about what you want to achieve. He says: “It works far better to take a few moments to become clear about the way you want things to be. In other words, what positive behaviour do you want the other person to be showing?”

Then, eliminate your negative emotions “You cannot produce a positive change from a negative emotional state. I can’t overestimate the importance of this point.” he says. Finally reinforce the positive change, “As soon as the other person starts to modify their behaviour for the better, reinforce it. Don’t say negative things like, “You should have been doing this all along” or “It’s about time”, he adds.

In time getting to know and understand your foe, will make arguments easier to solve. After all, it’s easier to tell a friend to shut up than an enemy.

Great Books to read on dealing with people:

Dale Carnegie – How to win friends and influence people.
Leil Lowndes - How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships.

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